I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
if only i could text you this smell
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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