and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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