She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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