I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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