I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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