i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
