omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
