i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
