you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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