her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
