good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
