im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
