You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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