But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
