I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
