Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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