If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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