If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
