You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
