You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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