you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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