I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
