At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
