I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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