I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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