I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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