i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
