I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Randomize
