I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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