And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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