so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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