the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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