i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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