PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
