Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
