i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
