this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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