last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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