Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
