halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
