It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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