I just pynch a tree in the face
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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