I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
