the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
