I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
