Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
