Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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