You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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