It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
