I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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