Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
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I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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