Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
