They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
