he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
