I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
that is very illegal...i love you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
