she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
