I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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