she was so not down for the gang bang
i barfeds in our rink
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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