3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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