You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
