oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
