My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
porn star boner night. come get it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
