Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
