So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
