I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
